Seeing how the media likes to bombard us with the idea that a woman’s worth lies in her beauty, is it any wonder that most of us have occasionally gone to extremes or done some pretty weird things to fit into that perfect image? At times, it feels like sorcery. Twice a day turn to your mirror, apply the enchanted poultice to your face, and say “I am a beautiful, confident woman” with conviction. You’ll be transformed, rejuvenated, years will melt away from your face – or whatever else companies like to say to sell us products.
Words: Brigitte Evans
Ladies, we’ve all done it – the crazy, popular beauty trends and hacks that now have us looking back on everything with embarrassment. I myself have done a bunch of insane things in my frantic attempt to be a cool teen. So, let’s have a little chat about our biggest beauty regrets. Don’t forget to laugh at the fond, silly memories.
1. Boxed Dyes
It’s not that you can’t get a good DIY dye job, it’s just that the whole process is messy, clumsy, and likely to give you terrible results if you don’t know what you’re doing. From chunky highlights that make you look like a skunk, to an attempted ombre that looks like a drunken disaster. Also, box dyes are pretty harsh and can give you a head full of straw-like hair. Just go to a good stylist, girl. Either that, or have a more experienced friend come over to help you out.
2. Mismatched Foundation
Ah, high school and my incessant desire to be a tan beauty with a sun-kissed glow. I have naturally fair skin, but hell, I didn’t let that tiny detail stop me, oh no. With a foundation that was at least three shades too dark and piles, and piles of bronzer I got the bronzed tan of my dreams. Well, I got something that I thought was a bronzed tan, but in reality I just look like a giant orange. How on earth did I think it looked good I’ve no idea. It took me years to get the right foundation match, and now I celebrate my skin tone with confidence.
3. Pinterest “Hacks"
I love Pinterest. It’s my little safe corner with gardening ideas, casserole recipes, motivational quotes, and fashionable outfits. It just makes me feel nice to browse it in the morning while I sip on my coffee. However, some of the hacks I found there had... interesting results. Like the DIY dry shampoo with cornstarch that made me look I’ve grown prematurely grey. Ouch, this and a bunch of other bad ideas at least left me with funny stories to tell.
4. Not Listening to Your Dentist
I hated going to the dentist when I was a kid, even though my dentist was this really sweet old guy who would tell me jokes to relax me before we began. I had slightly crooked teeth, so I was meant to wear an oral retainer daily. Of course, since it made my mouth look like I was chewing on metal wires, I avoided it as much as possible. Years later, and after several terrible teeth whitening products I ordered from the internet, I was too ashamed to smile fully. Luckily, I found a really great dentist and had him put on porcelain dental veneers and now I dazzle people with my pearly whites.
5. Over-plucked Eyebrows
Thank the nineties for giving us all a trend of pencil-thin brows that took forever to regrow. If you still don’t have a set of perfect eyebrows that you long for, give microblading a go.
6. Fake Tan Shenanigans
You know how I said that I was very pale and used darker foundation? Yeah, well, it didn’t just end there. I’m ashamed to admit, but the story gets worse. I combined terrible foundation and self-tanning lotion. Fake tans are fine ladies, but try not to overdo it like I did. Also, avoid your knees and elbows when applying because the skin there is already slightly darker and soaks up the tanning lotion easier than the rest of your body.
7. Wrong Cosmetics
For all of us with sensitive skin, beauty products are a bit of a Russian Roulette. I never know when one of them is going to make my face blow up and break out like crazy, and I’ve struggled for so long before I finally switched everything to organic, natural products. No more pain, no more allergic reactions – my skin is smooth and healthy and I love it.
There you go, you’re really not alone in your crazy beauty experimentation. But hey, now these regrets are just something to laugh at. After all, this kind of experimentation led you to learn a better way to do things.